


Azkaban Diaries

by beelliot123



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, wolfstar, wolfstar raising Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28369188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beelliot123/pseuds/beelliot123
Summary: Sirius Black was sent to Azkaban for a crime he did not commit. Remus Lupin lost everyone he held dear in one night and now has to raise Harry Potter on his own.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 25





	1. Sirius

11 November 1981

It was the 11th. He stood by the window of his cell and stared at the moon, wondering where Remus was now. Was he safe? Did anyone go with him? Would someone be there to heal him? 

“Do you miss me?” Sirius asked the moon, as quiet as he could so that no one else would hear. 

He stood by the window for most of the night, and at one point could have sworn he heard the sound of a wolf howl. That was probably a mind trick. His mind had started doing that more, Sirius noticed even though he’d only been in Azkaban for a few nights. The moon cycle was the only thing that helped him to keep track of the days. Sirius was pained by the thought of not being there when Lupin transformed back. It pained him worse than the four walls in which he’d be contained for the rest of his life. Who was going to be there when Lupin woke? Who was going to hold him while he cried about the pain? Who else knew the expensive brand of muggle chocolate that made him feel better? Who else would wash and bandage him tomorrow? Sirius had been doing all of those things for years. And now Moony would be doing them alone for the first time since he was fifteen. 

The first time Sirius ever saw Lupin cry was in September of 1975. They’d been at Hogwarts a month already when the moon came around and it was worse than any transformation Remus had ever endured. His bones ached, and the wounds were deeper. He bled more than he usually did, and so Sirius stayed behind under the cloak to make sure Madam Pomfrey patched him up alright. Afterwards he bunked off his classes and stayed with Remus in the hospital wing all day. He didn’t cry until that night. Moony’s magic was usually weaker the day after the moon because of fatigue and a silencing charm would have been too much. So Sirius peaked his head out of the bed curtains and whispered,

“Alright Moony?” From across the dorm room that they shared. 

When no response came Sirius climbed out of his own bed and ventured to where his best friend laid. 

“Go away, Sirius” hiccuped a soft, strained voice, “I’m fine”

“You don’t sound fine to me,” Sirius whispered as he slowly pushed the bed curtains aside. When Remus didn’t object, Sirius climbed into the bed and sat across from his friend, who had his knees drawn up and bandages all along his torso. Remus sniffled, and tried to wipe away the tears streaming down his face. The two boys just sat there like that for a while, Sirius not daring to get any closer than he already was. Thirty minutes or so had passed when Remus whispered, “It really hurts” and gestured softly to his chest. 

“It looks it,” Sirius responded, because what else do you say when your favorite person in the world is in the worst pain they’ve ever felt and you can’t do anything to help?  
“Do you want some chocolate?” Sirius asked, causing Lupin to finally meet his eye with a small, silent nod. 

He climbed back into Remus’s bed and broke the bar in half, handing the larger part to the crying boy. “Dromeda got it for me. Apparently it’s some really nice muggle brand.”

When Remus bit into the bar, his face lit up, and he instantly relaxed his shoulders which up until that point Sirius hadn’t even noticed were tensed up. 

“Thanks Sirius” Remus muttered, after finishing his half of the bar.  
“Course love,” Sirius responded, before moving to get out of the bed, “Well, um...goodnight I suppose”. But just as he was starting to leave he felt a hand reach out and grab his forearm. 

“Actually,” Remus said, his face turning red, “could you stay? It’s just, well it really hurts and I...I don’t want to be alone. It’s silly...sorry.” Tears were coming down his face again and Sirius wiped them off his boyfriend's face.  
“Course I’ll stay, Lupin. I’ll always stay for you.”

The rest of that night was spent curled up in Remus’s bed, with Sirius gently stroking Lupin's curls with one hand, and holding him close with the other. Now, starring out the window in his Azkaban cell, he tried thinking of what that felt like. Being held. Would he ever hold someone again? Would anyone ever hold him? Even though it had only been a few weeks since he had last received a hug, Sirius felt like it was years ago. He wished he’d held on longer. He wished he’d know that would be the last hug that Sirius Black would ever receive.


	2. Birthday Wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius spends his birthday in Azkaban. Remus can’t cope.

3rd November 1981

Remus 

The bakery called around 11 am when Remus didn’t come to pick up the cake. He broke down sobbing on the phone and the poor clerk had to hang up and leave him to it. After that Remus got drunk. There was lots of alcohol in the flat that he’d been secretly stashing away for this day, though the reason he’d be drinking it was supposed to be different. 

He and Sirius had been talking about this party for months now. They’d have all of their friends over and drink themselves into oblivion just like they had in Gryffindor tower as teenagers. Only it would be different because Sirius would be 22 and all grown up and he and Remus would drunkenly kiss all night long. At least, that’s what they were supposed to do. Instead, Sirius was in Azkaban and Remus was left to pick up the pieces of a party that no one could come to because all of the attendees were dead. 

Sirius 

The moon was in a waxing crescent. The first quarter would start the next day which meant that it was November 3rd 1981. Sirius Black was officially twenty two years old. He and Remus were supposed to have a party that evening. He supposed they didn’t really celebrate birthdays in Azkaban so he sung a quiet round of “Happy Birthday” to himself before immediately being overflown with grief. James and Remus were supposed to be with him today eating cake and drinking firewhisky. Lily was supposed to remind them all to drink water and Peter was supposed to tell Remus and Sirius to go and get a room. 

Peter. 

Sirius wanted to kill Peter. That would be a good present. Killing the traitor. Making him pay. Then at least Sirius would have earned his place in his Azkaban cell. Then at least Remus would know it wasn’t him who’d done that awful treacherous thing. Sirius would never kill James and Lily Potter. Sirius would never leave Harry all alone in the world. 

Oh god Harry. Where was he? Sirius felt sick all over again. He didn’t know when the tears came but he was unable to stop them once they began. That was happening more often, the crying. Eventually it would stop and a sort of emptiness would come over him. Sirius welcomed it the first time it happened, but afterwards fought it off with every fibre of his being. He would not go mad in Azkaban for a crime he didn’t commit. 

Through a stream of silent tears Sirius gave a small, pathetic laugh and whispered, “Happy Birthday to me.”


	3. Welcome Home Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry gets kidnapped but only kind of?

3rd November, 1981

Boxes. So many fucking boxes. Remus felt like his mind would explode and the only thing he wanted was a drink. He didn’t notice how much stuff Sirius owned in their flat until he had to pack it all up. Soon it was half empty, aside from furniture and the record player. Remus was getting rid of the records though. He couldn’t listen to them without the memories coming back too. Memories of parties, or date nights, of raunchy sex with Queen playing in the background. 

Merlin, Remus thought as he put the record collection in a box. What was he going to listen to now? It couldn’t be anything Sirius had liked because then he’d just be thinking about how Sirius had liked it. Maybe classical music. He’d become some weirdo posh guy who lived in a gentrified part of London and listened to classical music on his serial killer, ex-boyfriends record player and cried himself to sleep in grief each night. Remus snorted. Yeah, that’s definitely the best way to move on. 

***  
The owl came later in the week, around tea time. It was written in emerald ink and Remus recognized Minerva’s writing immediately. The note had an address on it along with a time, nothing else. 

Number 4 Privet Drive; 19:00-tonight

And that’s how Remus found himself standing next to a small tabby cat in Surrey, preparing to kidnap Harry Potter. He wouldn’t say kidnap exactly so much as saving him from child abuse. 

“Are you sure about this Minerva?” Remus whispered, knowing the cat would not respond. Still, a small meow was enough to send Lupin up to the front door which was opened by a large, red faced man who he knew to be Vernon Dursley. 

“Er...hello sir.” Remus said, suddenly aware of how scrappy his clothing looked.   
“We don’t offer handouts here,” Mr. Dursley responded in an angry sort of voice.  
“Oh! I’m not looking for a handout sir. I’m actually looking for Harry. Harry Potter.”

This seemed to get the man's attention. A baby was crying in the background and a woman's shrill voice cut through the air. 

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! We should have never taken you out of that cupboard! All you do is cry!”

“Yes, Harry Potter. Of course. What do you want with him?” The man looked embarrassed that his wife was causing such a scene and was being much more amiable to Lupin as a result. 

“Well, I’d like to take him home with me.”

“You what?!”

“I’d like to take Harry Potter home with me and raise him as my son. I was his   
fathers best friend, and it’s only right. Besides,” Lupin continued-getting bold,   
“it doesn’t really appear that you want much of anything to do with him. Isn’t   
that right Mr. Dursley?”

The red faced man sputtered incoherently before turning back inside and returning with a small boy in his arms. Along with this there was a small bag containing diapers, clothes, a bottle and some cheap muggle formula. Vernon Dursley held Harry out to Lupin as though the toddler was some sort of pest that he was more than happy to be rid of. 

“Here,” Vernon said, “and don’t bother bringing him back. We don’t want him.”

“Of course,” Remus said, taking the boy and the bag gingerly into his arms. “Well then, I suppose I should be off. Goodnight.” And with a curt nod, Vernon Dursley shut the door and the two men never saw one another again. Once the door was shut the boy started to cry again and Lupin bounced him gently on his hip until he started smiling. They reached the end of the driveway with Harry happily chittering away in a language only he could understand and they disappeared back to the London flat, McGonnagal having left once Vernon opened the door. 

“Welcome home, Harry,” Remus said once they were inside the less than cozy living room. “Moony is going to take great care of you from now on. I promise.”


End file.
